Sometimes, we have to let go of everything and start anew to create the change we yearn.
Just throw it all up in the air to see where it lands! The last 10 years have been a struggle for me financially and work-wise.
It seems no matter what I did:
- a myriad of workshops on business development
- countless online marketing courses
- applying for umpteen full- and part-time jobs at different times
- exploring various business partnerings
- finding subcontracting opportunities and even signing the contracts
- following up with prospects
Nothing was happening for me. Every month I wondered where the money would come from to pay my bills. Some months brought in revenue but those did not occur often enough to be sustainable. It was so very stressful.
Credit card debt piled up. I succumbed to paying by credit card just to live.
At the beginning of 2016, I had 4 months with no income at all. Nothing came in.
Every opportunity I was following up either fell away or was delayed.
I needed thousands per month just to pay the interest on my mortgage and minimums on a $150,000 credit card debt. It was crippling.
The pressure to sell my home was huge … but I really loved living in it … but the constant stress was oppressive.
At least I was confident I had a decent amount of equity in my house. I knew I could sell, pay off my debt completely and have some money left over.
Melbourne: The best city in the world to live, but expensive!
I really didn’t want to sell. I loved where I lived. It was in a beautiful area of Melbourne.
To me, selling represented failure and giving up. At the same time, I couldn’t keep going like I was. The reality was, I wasn’t earning enough to live on. Consequently, I also had no money to invest in my business. No way to generate marketing campaigns to find new clients.
I hated the idea of giving up. Throwing in the towel. Leaving my home. Just awful.
The personal outcome of all of this was…
I wasn’t happy! I didn’t like my life. 10 years before this I had been loving it.
What had gone wrong?
For a long while, I had felt like I didn’t belong in Melbourne anymore, nor even in Australia.
I was feeling a disconnect from people, including my family and some friends. Every “failure” felt like constant, ongoing knockdowns. I had lost so much confidence as so many things I had done hadn’t worked. I kept wondering what was I really good at and what should I be doing, even though I knew in my head I was a great coach and a superb facilitator. It really felt depressing and stress was taking its toll on my body with constant back pain.
For 20 years I had talked about wanting to go live in France.
It had been my 5-year plan for the last 10 years but, I thought “if I can’t make it work here at home and have some business to go over there with, how could I afford to implement my dream?”
What was preventing my success?
In May last year, I had a reading with Mary and Gary O’Brien and the Path of Dzar, where Gary channels the energies of Dzar. I wanted to explore what was my block in moving forward and generating income.
I had tried so many things to identify and remove the blocks – like ongoing psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, various energy healings, meditations, etc, etc. All to no avail.
Dzar asked me what was it I was trying to do. I said, “Help people live a more fulfilling life”.
He then asked, “How well was I doing that myself?”.
My response was “Pretty crappily”.
Well, that was true. A little later he said something that profoundly changed my thinking:
“Your purpose in life is not to help others, but to live the happiest life you can.”
For 20 years in personal development training, I had always been told that our purpose is to serve others, but this new statement really resonated with me big time.
It made so much sense.
Dzar said when I am happy, I will then vibrate the energy that will attract people to want to hear my story and work with me.
I thought “Well if that is the case, I should just sell up and go to France to learn French like I have wanted to do for years”. So, within that reading, that is the decision I made. My energy lifted instantly and the change was noticeable.
I felt immediate relief and lightness in my gut. It felt good.
The prospect of getting myself completely out of debt and going to live in France made me feel alive again!
Suddenly, it wasn’t giving up and running away, but rather moving on towards my ultimate goal: To be happy fulfilling my dream. My dream had always been there for a reason. I was meant to fulfill it.
It was about throwing everything up in the air and allowing it to land however the Universe or my higher good deemed was best for my soul.
Living the Vision
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